Life's Too Short

I spent time during Christmas listening to my grandpa tell some really great stories. At the end of his last story he got this far-away look in his eye and said "Life's just too short."

My Life List: Profile

SHE BOILED THE BUNNY

It's not you, it's me.  It's me thinking that you're crazy.  Obviously you can't agree with me.  There must be some sort of self defense mechanism in place that prevents you from seeing how crazy you're being.  Sort of like an AI that can turn ON/OFF it's self awareness at will in order to preserve vital functions.  Like SkyNet.  You're SkyNet crazy.  But that's just my opinion.  SO- it's not you, it's me. 

SHOOT HER (haiku)

hiking in the woods

hello velociraptor

shot it in the face.

why not.

But also, WHY?

That's a dog that being parachuted from a high enough altitude that it requires oxygen.  I wonder what he's thinking.

slipping away one week at time

(forest firefighting in central utah)

The first time I hiked that peak

to get all my msgs

you had sent me daily texts

which made eleven

and a voicemail for my birthday

I tried to send one back

but the satellite had gone

leaving me cursing the heavens

and i spent the next 7 days

rereading your old msgs

The second time I hiked that peak

you had only sent two msgs

minus exclamation points and smiley faces

and for the next 8 days

I knew that I'd lost you.

Menopause

I'm the only person in this hospital cafeteria besides a table of old ladies telling funny menopause stories. And their laughter is so loud the security guard keeps looking in to make sure everything's ok.  Will I ever be in the right place at the right time?

route 801 (business attire only)

Literally every person on this bus is wearing a suit and tie except for me.

once again reminded that life could be worse.

ONE MILLION MILES

My bus driver is named kent and he's driven one million miles without an accident, according to the patch on his shirt. Will they take away his shirt if he crashes? How many of those miles were driven with one hand down the front of his pants?  It doesnt seem very sanitary or safe, but then i remember the patch. Cant argue with one million miles.

romance on route 811 (in realtime)

12:55
kid in front of me is writing in his journal while i am reading it.  hes writing about the girl sitting next to him and how he's too scared to talk to her.
13:09
journal kid finally got up the courage and is now making incredibly awkward conversation with girl.  their conversation easily heard throughout the bus. people are starting to share looks and laugh.
13:11
girl just got off and gave awkward kid her name so they can be facebook friends.  and now hes writing in his journal again. cant read his writing this time but he's ending every sentence with two exclamation points.